Eminem lied

The biggest lie I hear at 12 Step meetings:

“It was my decision to get clean. I did it for me.”

I never could’ve done it for me…I would’ve run myself into an early grave. There wasn’t really a moment of “I need to stop because I love and value myself enough to put down what’s killing me.” It was more…”my family is going to have to attend my funeral if I don’t stop.”

This is probably true for a lot of addicts. I think part of the reason we become addicts is because we have a complete inability to be alone with ourselves. Trying to live life without the one thing that frees us from our own minds seems impossible.

This “self love” that everyone talks about is so foreign to us. We would jump through any hoop in the world if it meant one more drink, one more hit…one less second we’re stranded in front of our greatest fear: ourselves.

We mistake self love for self destruction.

For a lot of us there was most certainly not an intention of personal improvement to get clean. Getting clean isn’t even the hardest part. Forget about 5-7 business days of the most excruciating pain and discomfort you’ve ever felt. Staying clean, deciding every second of every day to be better, that’s the hard part.

We avoid pain. That's the whole point. Being who we are is the pain. Sans divine intervention, most of us probably would’ve spent forever avoiding. We never want to slow down and look in the mirror, until it is our only option.